Parent Guide:
Our goal with this guild is to help families have healthier relationships to media systems. In each section we will look at ways to help those families who have had little or no screen/media usage introduced (which we refer to as "Screen Free"), those who have introduced some (called "Limited Screen Users") and those who might need more help with their media addictions (called "Connected").
Screen Free Parents
This section if for parents who have not introduced any screen time. Below are some resources for how and when research to take the next steps in introducing screens to your child:​​
Assessing Readiness
Before you introduce a screen into your child's life, discuss with your co-parent and child whether or not the household is ready for a device. Here are some suggested questions:
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Evaluating Impact:
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Need Assessment: Why does your child want a device? Can their needs be met in other ways, such as through hobbies or social activities?
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Timing: Why is this the right time for your child to have a device? What benefits and drawbacks does it bring to your family?
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Activity Replacement: What activities will screen time replace? Consider impacts on outdoor play, family meals, and other routines.
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About Your Child:
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Self-Awareness: Can your child recognize when screen time is negatively affecting them? Are they aware of their own usage patterns and their impact?
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Self-Regulation: Can your child take breaks from screens on their own and maintain a balance between online and offline activities?
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Understanding of the Online World: Does your child understand that false information can be spread online? Can they differentiate between fact and fiction?
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Rule Adherence: Does your child respect limits and boundaries? Are they clear about what they can and cannot do online?
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Safety Awareness: Does your child know how to protect themselves and others online, including managing privacy and avoiding risks?
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Routine Adherence: Will screen time integrate into their existing routine without dominating their time? Can they manage routines with screen time included?
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Impulsivity and Focus: How impulsive is your child? Can they apologize for mistakes and stay focused on tasks?
About Yourself:
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Time Commitment: Are you ready for the time commitment involved in managing your child’s device usage?
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Rules and Limits: Do you have clear rules and limits in place regarding apps, social media, and screen time?
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Balancing Screen Time: How will you ensure screen time does not interfere with school work or in-person activities? Do you have rules for family screen-free times?
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Monitoring: How will you enforce and monitor adherence to screen time rules? What are your plans for managing device purchases and messages?
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Modeling Behavior: Are you modeling a healthy relationship with screens and technology?
Introducing the Screen - And Setting Rules
If after discussing the questions above you feel confident that you should introduce a screen, then read ahead! When giving your child their first device, expect a bumpy road- both you and your child are learning how to integrate new technology into your lives! The best thing you can do for your child is have clear boundaries and expectations for how screens will be used. Here are some tips for confidently setting family rules around technology.
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Be Clear: Define when, where, and how screens can be used. Set specific guideline on what types of ways it can be used (ie texting vs video calling). Be specific in what you will be checking on their devices and how often.
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Be Consistent: Consistency helps children understand and follow the rules better.
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Device-Free Zones: Set areas and times for family activities that are screen-free. For example, will the dinner table be phone free? Bedtime? etc.
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Shared Activities: Engage in non-screen-related activities to strengthen family connections.
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Review Usage: Periodically check how screen time is being used and how you and your child are feeling about it
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Adjust Rules: Be flexible and adjust screen time rules as your child grows and circumstances change.
Talking to your kids about tech
After setting clear rules, it is vital to have an open and honest conversation about technology and its effects​​​. Check here for information on the effects of social media. The questions below can help guide your conversation:
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Ask them questions first. How do they feel screen time is going? Are there any bad habits they have noticed? How will they be addressed? Are you choosing screens over other valuable activities? What rules do they feel should be adjusted? Then, as a parent, voice your concerns about these questions.
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Ask your child to show you the apps they use. Review screen time date on these apps. If available to them, check in on their texts and posts to make sure their content and messages are age appropriate. Explain to them that the screen time tool is a great resource for them as well, encourage self monitoring and explain why these check ins with you are important for their health and well being.
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Ask them to reflect on how screen time makes them feel. Ask questions like: How do you feel after excess screen time? How is your mood affected by screen time? How is your focus throughout the day? Are more device uses more fulfilling than others, why?
Healthy Habits to Teach Kids
It is also important to make sure you are teaching your child healthy habits alongside screens time, here are some habits to instill in your child's routine:
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Balanced Use: Teach your child to balance screen time with other activities. Encourage them to engage in a variety of activities.
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Physical Play: Encourage outdoor activities and physical exercise.
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Creative Hobbies: Support interests such as reading, drawing, or playing musical instruments.
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Privacy and Safety: Discuss online safety, privacy settings, and respectful communication.
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Lead by Example: Demonstrate healthy screen habits yourself to reinforce the rules you set.
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Be Present: Engage with your child during screen time to model positive behavior and ensure content appropriateness.​
Limited Screen Users
This section is for parents who allow some screen time but have not introduced social media or smartphones; maybe your child has access YouTube or video streaming services and games. Read more for tips on how to manage light screen time in your household.​​​​
Age Guide to Screen Time
Below is an age guide to media introduction, for a more detailed list visit the Boston Children's Digital Wellness Lab.
Pre- School:
No more than one hour per day of high-quality programming. We recommend slow paced shows such as Sesame Street, Blue’s Clues, Mr. Rogers, etc. Video chatting with parental guidance and only with approved family members. We recommend not introducing video games, social media, youtube, or apps.
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Elementary School:​
Video chatting to connect with friends and family while supervised is advised as well as pre approved T.V. shows. This is an appropriate age to introduce apps and internet access that is controlled by the parents and heavily supervised. We recommend apps that are educational or artistic such as Khan Academy, iMovie, Procreate, GarageBand, Scratch, Google Docs and Sheets, Dulingo, etc. We do not recommend access to social media.
If you are looking to get your child a phone or be able to communicate or track them when they are not with you we recommend these types of phones or devices: Flip phones or Apple Watch.
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Middle School:
All of the above recommendations still apply; apps, internet access, and video chatting should all be parent approved and supervised. In middle school, parent approved video games can start to be introduced; we recommend researching age appropriate games. YouTube can be introduced while restricted to certain channels. We still recommend smart phone and social media access to be restricted. If you are looking to get your child a phone or be able to communicate or track them when they are not with you we recommend these types of phones or devices: Light, Pinwheel, Bark, Troomi, Wisephone, Gabb.
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​​High School:
We still recommend waiting until age 16 for social media and a smart phone, but again this should be heavily supervised and paired with media literacy conversation about the dangers of social media and how to navigate it.​ If you are looking to get your child a phone or be able to communicate or track them when they are not with you we recommend these types of phones or devices: Light, Pinwheel, Bark, Troomi, Wisephone, Gabb.
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Managing Screen Time
Why Set Limits on Screens?
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Technology is designed to keep us engaged, making it hard to put down. Brains develop until the age of 25, so when we introduce technology at a young age, it affects the way the process occurs. Screen time is important in making sure that phones and technology do not replace other essential activities in our lives or the lives of our children. Here are some tips on setting screen limits:
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Time Spent on Screens: ​
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To create a healthy relationship to screens, it is important to make sure that screen time is not replacing other activities. Parents can do this by creating a solid routine of activities that your child enjoys and values outside of their devices that you do regularly.
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A great way to frame the end of screen time is phrasing it as “turn on” another activity, rather than “turn off” the screen.
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You can set time limits on how long screens are allowed. For example, your rule could be Screens can be used for 30 minutes on weekdays and one hour on weekends.
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Set a time frame the allotted screen time could be used during. For example, Screen time can take place between 5-8pm on weekdays and after 8 am on weekends. Consider times that you are cooking dinner, getting ready for the day, etc. where you may not be as available to engage more actively with your child.
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You may also have prerequisites before screen time. For example, Screen time cannot happen until all homework is done. Or Screen time can only take place after 30 minutes of outdoor activities.
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Have a plan for where your child’s device will be stored when they are not using it.
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Make sure to be consistent about setting times.
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Where Screens are Allowed:
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Set limits on where your child can use screens. Perhaps your rule is only at home, maybe it is only in the common areas and no bedrooms, etc. Make these what works best for your family!
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Be clear about the supervision requirements on screen time. For example, your rule may be No screens without parental supervision.
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Make clear rules about how devices will play into time when family or friends are visiting. Do the normal rules apply? Do you want there to be no screen when company is over? Think about what makes sense for your family and be clear in setting these boundaries.
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Set limits on special scenarios as best as you can. How will screens be used on vacation? In the car? At a restaurant? Restaurants, and vacations are all a great time to engage the whole family in conversation, practice manners, try new things, etc. so consider bringing screen free activities for your child in these scenarios.
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What Functions are Allowed on Screens:​
Deciding what apps are allowed for your child is very important. Use this guide from Screensense.org to determine what screens are age appropriate for your child. Here are some things to think about when considering a new app for your child:​
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What is the age limit set by the app, game, platform?
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Look at reviews from other parents, children, and users. What are their concerns, if any? What do they like about the app?
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Think about the purpose of this app, why is it wanted by your child/you?
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Do ads pop up in this app?
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Sometimes you can see samples of the app, or if not you can use the app before allowing your child to use it. Does this feel appropriate? Do you feel comfortable with your child using this app?
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If you feel comfortable with the app, use it with them the first time and point out features that could hold their attention. Show them how to use this app in the best and healthiest way possible.
Screen Free Activities
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Outdoor Activities: Outdoor Activities allows your child to get fresh air and exploration.
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Exercise/Physical Play: Exercise builds strength, coordination, and overall health. It also enhances mental health! Try swimming, hiking, jumping rope, or playing family outdoor games!
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Family Time: This could involve screens (like watching a movie together) or spending time without screens (like board games, cards, or even going out to eat or taking a walk together). Get creative!
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Chores: These teach responsibility, practical skills, and can be a bonding experience if done as a family.
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Reading: This enhances literacy, imagination, and focus. This can be educational text or for pleasure. It is a good activity to teach kids how to unwind and relax without screens involved.
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Self-Care: Teaching your child self care routines and habits can be extremely useful. This will show them how to have healthy routines that do not involve screens, and that it could be fun too!
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Social Outings: Social Outings are vital to the development of a child's social skills! Take them on playdates, to the park, or other activities where other children will be.
Connected
This guide is for parents who have introduced social media and smartphones. Out goal is to help parents deal with shame or guilt and navigate the digital world safely. Use these resources to keep you and your child safe online and on social media. ​
A Guide to Dealing with Guilt and Shame
In today’s digital age, decisions about technology use in parenting can often lead to feelings of guilt. Whether it’s introducing a smartphone or allowing social media access, these choices can weigh heavily on a parent’s conscience. This guide aims to help you navigate and manage these feelings by offering practical strategies and insights.
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Focus on the positive. When dealing with guilt, reframe your perspective. Instead of concentrating solely on the perceived negative aspects of your decisions, recognize that guilt often arises when our actions conflict with our personal values and standards. This emotional response indicates that you care about doing the right thing, which is a positive reflection of your commitment to responsible parenting.
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Don’t beat yourself up. If you allow yourself to dwell on feeling guilty, there will be no progress. Instead, use guilt as a reflective tool to evaluate your decisions and their alignment with your values. This process can provide insights that help you make informed adjustments to technology use in your household.
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Differentiate Knowledge from Execution. Understanding best practices for technology use is distinct from actually executing it. As parents, it is important to note that research- based best practices are simply a guide to point us in the right direction. Applying these tools and ideas to the real world means it might look different in practice. It’s important to recognize that while striving to uphold your values in parenting, occasional deviations are natural. Focus on continuously moving toward your goals and adjusting strategies as needed.
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Focus on the present. The most effective way to address guilt related to technology is to concentrate on present interactions. Prioritize quality time with your child to demonstrate that face-to-face engagement is more significant than screen time. This approach reinforces the value of direct communication and personal connection.
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Make a plan for how to navigate social media and smartphones. You have introduced them into your lives, and while you may feel guilty, there are solutions to managing screen time! Remind yourself that this is simply one parenting choice, and it doesn’t define your entire approach to raising your child. Every decision is a learning opportunity, and you’re doing your best with the information and resources you have.
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Practice self compassion. Extend the same compassion to yourself as you would to a loved one after a mistake. By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you create a safe space to navigate the impacts of your decisions without excessive self-reproach. This self-compassion will enable you to handle challenges more effectively and with greater resilience.
Managing Social Media
Managing your child's social media accounts is extremely important. Social Media is a very addictive app that gives your child access to all kinds of content and contact with complete strangers; it is important that you are the one in control of the ways your child uses social media apps. Below is a guide to setting up parental controls on various platforms.
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Snapchat:
Snapchat has a feature called “Family Center” where parents can see who their child is communicating with and can set content restrictions. Here is a guide for how to set up a Family Center and stay safe online!
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Instagram:
Instagram also has a Family Center, aimed at keeping kids safe online. This feature allows parents to see how long their child is on the app, who they are following and who they follow, and what they post. It also allows you to set time limits and schedule breaks. Here is a guide to Family Center as well as a guide here for how your child can manage their Instagram as well.
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TikTok:
TikTok offers a Family Pairing option where caregivers can set guardrails on their child’s content. It allows parents to set screen limits, control who they follow and what they view, and control privacy settings. Here is a guide to TikTok’s parental controls.
Screen Free Activities
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Outdoor Activities: Outdoor Activities allows your child to get fresh air and exploration.
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Exercise/Physical Play: Exercise builds strength, coordination, and overall health. It also enhances mental health! Try swimming, hiking, jumping rope, or playing family outdoor games!
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Family Time: This could involve screens (like watching a movie together) or spending time without screens (like board games, cards, or even going out to eat or taking a walk together). Get creative!
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Chores: These teach responsibility, practical skills, and can be a bonding experience if done as a family.
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Reading: This enhances literacy, imagination, and focus. This can be educational text or for pleasure. It is a good activity to teach kids how to unwind and relax without screens involved.
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Self-Care: Teaching your child self care routines and habits can be extremely useful. This will show them how to have healthy routines that do not involve screens, and that it could be fun too!
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Social Outings: Social Outings are vital to the development of a child's social skills! Take them on playdates, to the park, or other activities where other children will be.
Healthy Habits to Teach Kids
It is also important to make sure you are teaching your child healthy habits alongside screens time, here are some habits to instill in your child's routine:
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Balanced Use: Teach your child to balance screen time with other activities. Encourage them to engage in a variety of activities.
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Physical Play: Encourage outdoor activities and physical exercise.
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Creative Hobbies: Support interests such as reading, drawing, or playing musical instruments.
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Privacy and Safety: Discuss online safety, privacy settings, and respectful communication.
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Lead by Example: Demonstrate healthy screen habits yourself to reinforce the rules you set.
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Be Present: Engage with your child during screen time to model positive behavior and ensure content appropriateness.​
Talking to Your Kids About Media
Media Literacy and False Information
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Discuss the importance of identifying false information online with your child. A recent study revealed that 80% of students and 59% of adults struggle to spot misinformation. In fact, fake news is shared six times more often than accurate information. So, how can we help children recognize and combat false information? Start by teaching them to ask critical questions:​
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Who is behind the information (the source)?
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What claims are being made, and what evidence supports them?
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What do others say about the source or claim?
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Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?
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Introduce them to lateral reading, a technique where they fact-check and verify information as they read. This method helps ensure they are consuming and sharing accurate news.​ Use shared media activities to spark discussions. For instance, while watching TV or movies, talk about what they’re seeing and the techniques used to influence their feelings, especially in advertisements.
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Screen Addiction
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Did you know the average 8-12 year old spends around 4 hours a day on their phones, not including online schoolwork? Screen addiction is a growing concern. During puberty, crucial brain developments occur, influencing cognitive abilities through the teenage years. This period is often described as a “use it or lose it” phase, making it essential to address screen addiction proactively.
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Here are some tips to help manage screen time:​
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Discuss opportunity cost. Explain how excessive screen use can lead to the loss of valuable activities like sleep, social interactions, and hobbies.
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Talk about persuasive design. Help your child understand how technology is designed to capture their attention.
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Define healthy tech use. Establish what balanced technology use looks like for your family. Highlight and praise examples of healthy tech habits.
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Encourage reflection. Have your child reflect on how they feel after using technology versus engaging in outdoor play or other activities.
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Allow boredom. Encourage your child to find creative or physical activities when they’re bored, which can lead to productive hobbies.
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Privacy and Safety
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Begin by discussing the consequences of online activity. Remind your child that anything shared online is permanent and public. For privacy, encourage them to speak with a parent or use a diary for personal thoughts.
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Discuss what’s okay to share online and what isn’t. Create a list to guide them.
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Optimize privacy settings. Turn off location sharing, make social media accounts private, and block inappropriate sites. Refer to our Parental Control Guide for detailed privacy settings.
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Stranger Danger
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It’s crucial to talk about online interactions. Even if someone seems friendly or kind, remind your child to be cautious. Look out for individuals you don’t know who ask personal questions or request communication on other platforms.​ Discuss how to verify someone’s identity online, their interaction with strangers, and strategies to prevent risky interactions. Set clear and firm rules for online messaging. Consider identifying a trusted non-parent adult whom your child can turn to for advice if they’re uncomfortable discussing certain issues with you.
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Tricky Topics
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Cyberbullying: 1 in 6 teens has experienced cyberbullying, with girls being more likely to be affected. Cyberbullying can lead to low self-esteem, emotional issues, and more. Combat this by regularly checking in on your child’s online health and safety. Review messages and comments for any harmful behavior.
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Comparisons to People Online: Social media often leads to comparisons, especially among young people. Discuss the reality behind online images, including the use of filters and editing, and the tendency to showcase only “perfect” moments.
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Porn: Nearly half of online users aged 10-17 have encountered porn. Have open discussions about what porn is, its effects, and establish a plan for addressing it if your child comes across it. Reinforce your household’s values and boundaries.
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Sexting: When age-appropriate, discuss sexting with your child. Explain why it happens, the legal implications, and the potential emotional and privacy consequences. Ensure they understand the seriousness of sexting and feel comfortable coming to you with any concerns.